Some things are really hard to accept.

I have got news for all of you bloggers. Are you ready? I'm a sunbeam teacher. I know, laugh all you want, but it's no joke. I kind of wish that it was a joke. Now, since I have no idea who in my ward reads this blog, I need to be careful of what I say and how I word things. . .with that being said, I don't like primary. What? Did I really just say that? Sure did.

It's not that I don't like kids, because I do. I guess I only like certain kids? I'm just digging myself a deep, deep hole. . . let me put it this way, I like kids when I don't have to be the responsible one. If you put me with Marshall, Ava, Elijah, and Amaya, I would have a total blast. Because I can teach Ava dirty dance moves, teach Marshall pranks, tell Elijah to say certain phrases like "girl, you want some fries with that shake?", and Amaya, well, Amaya is still innocent and I would just hold her and love her. But you see, I'm not really the best influence. . . I'm not like that with all kids. I can be in charge, trust me, I love control. But I don't like to be in charge of kids. They scare me. If I can't laugh and goof off with them, then really, I'm no good.

I was perfectly happy in Relief Society (RS). I've been in there for a year and a half now and just the past couple months I've finally felt like I could be myself in RS and I really started to love it. Which, most girls my age hate RS. But I didn't, I really loved it. Of course, right when I get good and comfortable, they rip me out of there. Same thing happened in Young Women's, I finally stopped terrorizing my leaders (they might beg to differ) and I actually started to get it, and enjoy it. And then they kicked me out and away I went to Relief Society, and I hated RS at first. That is how it goes, I suppose. So now I am in Primary. Oh how I totally dread that word. Sunbeams, nonetheless. Caecee is my saving grace in this matter. They put me in the same class as Caecee (she's been in there since we got out of young women's) and we will co-teach together. Thank the sweet heavens. If I was with anyone else, I would really, really, really dislike it. I'm not looking forward to this calling, but I will give it my best shot. (By the way, if Ava still lived here, I would be her teacher, and that would help a lot. Ugh. Icing on the cake.)

I've told some friends and family about this calling and how I feel about it, and they've asked "why didn't you just say no?". Ahhh (deep breath), trust me, I thought about saying no. When I was growing up, I was taught "never say no to something unless you can back it up with a legitimate excuse", (examples: don't say that you don't like broccoli unless you have some strong evidence that you really don't like it, always say no to drugs but also have a good excuse such as, "I don't want to ruin my brain", etc, etc). I'm a big believer in accepting callings, I can't imagine saying "no" to a calling. It's just not right in my book. Granted, in certain circumstances, you should say no to certain callings. But in this case, I have no good excuse to say "no" to my calling. So I will try it. I am concerned because I work some Sundays. So if I am never there, well then I will have to do some talking with the bishopric. But right now, my motto is one step at a time and to do my best.

Did I mention that I'm scared out of my little-red-headed mind??? I am. I'm as scared as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Seriously. I never went to Primary. Ever. I don't know Primary songs. Really, I don't. I guess Primary and I never got a long haha. Just kidding.  So this is a learning process for me, too.  Those poor kids that I have to teach. Don't they say that sometimes callings aren't always for those you will be serving, but sometimes they are for you to grow? Well, this might be the only way the Big Man can get me to learn my Primary songs ;)

I don't mean to complain about callings. Really, I'm sorry if I was complaining. Truth is, this is going to be a hard calling for me, but all is well and it will be fine! I hope I didn't offend ANYONE, because that was certainly not my intention. So if I offended you, I didn't mean to, and if you are offended, you probably took it in a way that I didn't mean it. Remember that I use sarcasm in my humor, a lot. Also remember, this is my blog, it is raw, and it is how I truly feel. But I certainly don't mean to be a complainer about callings, because truth is, I really dislike people who complain about callings, I dislike them more than I dislike the word "primary".  :)

Wish me luck. Lots and lots of luck.

Merry Christmas 2010!

Hello blogger world! Did everyone have a good Christmas? Mine was great. Wish it would have snowed though! Wanna know my biggest pet peeve when it comes to Christmas, yet I'm guitly of doing it too? After Christmas everyone always asks each other, "what did you get"? Hate that question. Christmas isn't about what you got! It's about Christ and what he gave to us! Anyway. . . incase you were wondering I got some movies, a sweet owl beanie, perfume, an apron (since I cook so often ;), and some movies. Pretty awesome. Can't believe Christmas has once again come and gone. Comes so fast. Time goes by SO FAST! Can't believe it. I hate it. Seems like last years Christmas was just a month ago. But I guess it just teaches you to enjoy every moment as much as possible!

Year 2011 is coming soon. Crazy. I'm getting old ;)

Check out these cute kiddos. . .

Aren't they sooooo stinkin' cute? Gosh. Look at Elijah, he is practically a giant now! He has grown so much! And Marsh looks like a mini man! Dang, I miss them! If you didn't know, sweet baby Amaya was in the hospital this past week with possible rsv. Turns out it wasn't rsv, just a very bad virus. She was in the hospital 2 days and was home in time for Christmas. She is doing just fine. From what I hear, Ava has quite the attitude now, more than she did before. Wish I could be there to witness it.  I was on the phone with Jodi today and in the midst of talking, Jodi says "Ava, Ava! Stop licking the carpet!!" Oh how I miss the madness. They are my peeps. Sometimes I think I get a long with those kids better than I get a long with anyone else! I miss Jodi too, she is like a sister/mom/best friend to me! I need her to come back so she can nag me about my faults and the "bad" choice of boys in my life. . . she didn't always nag haha, just pushed me to be my best! She was pretty good at giving advice too! Oh and I need someone to go give blood with me! Caecee faints (most of my friends faint with blood) and Jodi and I would go give blood together all the time. I haven't been since she left. . . so the offer is up, I need a blood-giving friend, any takers? I will get to see Jodi and Amaya in January and then I'm going to NY in May. . . can May PLEASE come sooner!?! In the meantime, just look at that picture, cutest kids ever!

Lack of sleep intensifies my pet peeves.

I worked a 12 hour shift this week with no break and had to do the same thing the next day (my shift is 6am-6pm). It was awesome. Really, I was loving it. But it put me into a sleep deprived state, and I can't quite get back on my game. Can't wait for the weekend, even though my only day off is Saturday, it will be a great day. And next week, I only work until Wednesday then I have 7 days off from both of my jobs. Pure bliss I tell you.

So because I am sleep deprived, I am really not at my best. Actually, it is a medically proven fact that if you go without sleep consecutively for 35 to 50 hours, your state of mind will dramatically drop, then you're eyes will start losing focus, then you will start hallucinating, and then you can be diagnosed with being clinically insane for the time being. Interesting, huh? My point is, I am not myself today so I'm writing about something that probably wouldn't bother me as much if I had an adequate amount of sleep. And I'm not even properly caffeinated yet this morning. You've been warned.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people you've known for a very long time, and you are very close to, act like they have never seen you before in your life. We've all done this, including myself. But why??? You know, when you are out and you see someone you used to (thought you still were) close to and they don't even say hi to you? Or even if you aren't close to them, just someone you know- you both see each other and no one says a word to each other. What is up with that? Lame. Is it because we feel stupid? Is it because we are sleep deprived and we are grouchy so we don't even bother? I don't know why we do it. And I'm as guilty as anyone. But it bugs me. . . it bugs me a lot and it should stop. A smile really can turn some one's day around. Truth is, we don't really know any one's story. Story of their life, or even story of their day. Someone could be having a really crappy day and if we just stopped acting "too cool" and said hello to them, whether we know them or not, we could turn their day around! Everyone should be nice to everyone, there shouldn't be any such thing as "drama", and there should be world peace. One of my New Years resolutions is going to be, to be nice to everyone and minimize the drama in my life whether it is caused by me or others. The End.

Happy Weekend!!! Oh and Christmas is next week. . . YAAAHOOOOO!!!!

Get Your Christmas On!

Holy sheesh! Christmas is coming so quickly! I'm actually kind of mad that it is coming so fast! I LOVE anticipation. I mean, Christmas day is great too, but I just love building up to Christmas and preparing for it. And really, this year, Christmas just kind of snuck up on me. I didn't even put lights up on the bushes this year. Lame, I know. But at least we got the house lights up and the inside of our house is decked out!

Is your Christmas shopping done? Mine is almost done!! Wahoo! This year was tough for me. I'm one of those people who gets ideas of what to give people for Christmas in like July OR I don't get any ideas of what to give people until the very last minute. This year was one of those last minute things. But I finally got all of my loved ones covered! My friends were the hardest this year, but I finally came up with an idea and have just been trying to make their gifts. Yep, I'm one of those crazy people who loves the idea of making Christmas gifts, not all of them, of course-just a few.

And as for me- I've asked for the most useless things for Christmas. It's awesome. When people ask me what I want for Christmas I've replied with "an apron (I don't cook. . . ever), or a beanie that looks like an owl head (just because I think it's funky), and the best one yet, an ugly/nerdy Christmas sweater, no doubt. I ask for these useless things because I really don't need anything. I have clothes, I have food, I have a car. Life is good. I get that from my dad. We like to tease him because if you ask him what he wants for Christmas he will say "I don't need anything". He grew up when you got things you needed for Christmas i.e., pants, socks, coat, etc. And he is also known for taking things back. Example- one year my mom and I bought him this construction level for Christmas, he took it back to the store. He didn't do it to be rude, he just didn't need it. So, we are both working on the idea that Christmas can be fun! You don't always have to get something in order to need it. Of course we all have wants. But the reason I give people silly ideas of what to give me for Christmas is because my wants are too darn big. What I want for Christmas? Oh, a vacation, new car, some tuition money, a house, etc. So you see, I just need to find some balance between my wants and needs.

Most importantly. . . Christmas has NOTHING to do with what I want or even what I need, for that matter. It's about Christ and what he gave to each and every one of us.

My Christmas is definitely on! I've been wearing my Santa pajama's. Oh yes. And I even bought myself some pretty sweet Christmas socks. They are knee length, red with white polka dots, and at the knee they have some white fur. . . you know like the fur that's on Santa hats? Yep they're pretty rockin' socks. I've also been playing Christmas music non stop! I hope it snows soon so I can go sledding (I am a serious sledder). I just want it to dump buckets of snow! I've also been thinking about how grateful I am lately. Seriously. I have my issues and my struggles but heck, I am so so so so thankful for my life and for the gospel. I really don't know what I'd do without it. It's everything to me! I hope you all "get your Christmas on" and enjoy this time in preparation for Christmas!!

Smile A Little More. . .

My job can be very difficult. Physically. . . a little (I've only had to chase one guy down {it did take me and two security guards to get him in his room} ;) but emotionally. . . a lot. Very emotionally draining. Taking care of my cute little Alzheimer's lady is difficult. It is very hard to see someone lose brain function. (Little medical lesson for you-Alzheimer's is caused by abnormal deposits of protein in the brain which interrupt nerve interaction). Working in the Emergency Room with the Psych patients is also very difficult. We get a lot of drug-caused problems. But still, very sad. Yes, they made the choice to do drugs and such but addiction is definitely a disease and most people wish they would have never, ever done drugs in the first place and then they get trapped in the awful addiction. We also see a lot of legit, mental illness. It is extremely sad when you get a 17yr. old patient who came into the E.R. because they had no idea what was happening to them, when in fact, they are experiencing their first Schizophrenic episode. Depression-huge issue. I think mental illness is an epidemic. You would be shocked at how many psych patients we see in the E.R. and how little help there is out there for them. Our Behavioral Med Department rarely has a bed open. Pediatric psych patients are not allowed to be admitted to our Behavioral Med Dept. so we have to run a search all the way from Las Vegas hospitals clear up to Ogden to find an open bed for pediatric psych patients and usually all the hospitals are full! So then we have to hold the patient in the E.R. until a bed opens up somewhere. That is if they are determined that they have to be admitted. My biggest problem with my job is that I wish I could save the world. I really, really, really, REALLY wish that I could save everyone, and help everyone, and heal everyone! But I can't. So, the only way to cope with my job is to laugh. I have to laugh at the situations that I deal with. I have to do ALL that I can to help the patient, and then let it go. If I don't laugh, I will cry. If I don't do ALL that I can, I could never forgive myself. So, I throw my entire self into my job. I'm still not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Thus, my job is emotionally draining.

Anywho, my point of all of this is not to depress you all. It is to make myself realize that my life is SO GOOD! I am so grateful that I am healthy. I consider myself to have "issues" and I question my insanity daily. But I know that I am healthier than others. So I get mad and sad and I get anxiety and I don't handle situations as well as I wish. . . so what?  Instead of me focusing on my faults, it helps to look at all the positive in my life. I'll be honest, I struggle with certain things. I have problems with balance in my life (I like to use the word balance, instead of bipolar ;) But I'm here, and I'm functioning in my daily life. So what if I don't handle each day as I wish I did. . . I'm trying my best each day and I have so much to be grateful for. We ALL have our problems but I truly believe, that it can always be worse. I am so grateful that I don't have a severe mental or physical disease. I thought about if I got diagnosed with a severe disease or if I died tomorrow, what would I regret? I would regret not smiling more. I need to let go of the little things in my life that tick me off. I completely understand that we all need to cope. It is NOT normal to not be sad or mad every once in a while. It is actually healthy to get mad and sad. But my hope and prayer is to make these "sad" and "mad" moments have a shorter duration. I hope they last a small moment. I hope to move on-faster. I hope to smile more. And oh how eternally grateful I am for the gospel and the knowledge that I have. There is hope. There is ALWAYS hope. There is hope for me, and there is hope for Alzheimer patients, drug addicts, psych patients, people suffering from depression, etc. There is hope. And there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. There will be rest!! There will be peace!!! But for now, let's be grateful for what we have, and smile a little more!!

New Hair!

I chopped off all my hair and dyed the whole thing darker. No joke. I've NEVER, in my entire life, had my hair this short, nor have I ever dyed my entire head. Usually just throw in some high lights and low lights. But I needed a change! I've gradually been cutting more and more off, so this time I just chopped it. It's pretty short. And it will be even shorter when it curls because my hair curls up about 2 inches. I love it so far. I do miss my natural red color. Even though it's still red, it's a red-brown now. But it will fade fast. My hair takes color so so so strangely! People tend to hate it when girls chop off their hair, but I really don't care. I love it and it's going to be so much easier to do! Seriously, I am not exaggerating when I say my hair is a beast. It really is. It shouldn't be natural. It is so dang curly and unruly! It's actually not even that curly. . .without any product in it, it's just a big frizz-ball-fro. Not kidding. Few people have seen my hair naturally, without any product in it. My mom, dad, brother, my hair lady (Amber), and Caecee just saw it the first time this year without any product in it. That's sayin' something. Considering she is my best friend and we've known each other for quite some time! But with product in it, then it curls up like crazy!!!

The new hair cut should help it so it's easier to get the curls to cooperate and hopefully if I want to straighten it, it should take less time! Before it took me about an hour and a half to straighten it. . . that's why I never did it but let's hope this helps!  Let's hope it's not a fro either! This is soooo not like me. I am totally not the type that just chops her hair off and not even tell anyone until it was done! What can I say. . . I'm getting more and more spontaneous in my old age ha! Good thing I have an awesome hair stylist! Shout out to Amber (not me, different Amber), my hair therapist. She is amazing. I just told her I needed a change but had no idea what I wanted. So she presented her idea to me and I said "do it" and away she went. She was even shocked. She's been doing my hair for 6 years now and I've never done anything this drastic! And she's young and spunky so I trust her style! It's nice to have someone who will make you try new things yet, not do something that you will hate. She knows me pretty well! Because, seriously, hair is important. Especially when you have my type of hair, you need someone who knows what they're doin'! Plus, she's a red head herself, that always helps ;)   Thanks so much Amber, don't know what I'd do without your superb hair skills!

Anyway, I'm not one for self-portrait-glamour-shots, but you have to see it! I took these pictures with my phone, so they aren't very good quality but it works!

Thanksgiving and all that comes with it!

I can't believe that it's almost Thanksgiving! Wow time really does fly! I love Thanksgiving. I love eating, and get this, I even like cooking when I'm helping someone or they are helping me. Such as the yearly gathering of all of the women cousins (there are only 3 of us, and I'm the youngest girl, we are heavily populated with boys in my family) in which we gather at my grandma's house the day before Thanksgiving and bake all of the pies for Thanksgiving day. Good times. I love the coziness of the holidays. I have to work this Thanksgiving :( but the good news is that I get off at 6pm, so I'm not totally missing out on the feast! I have so much to be thankful for. . . I could list all of the things but it would take up my entire blog. I think most of all this year, I am thankful for people in my life. I've said this before, and I'll say it again, I have the coolest people in the universe, in my life. I really do. If you're reading this, I'm probably thankful for you and you probably don't even know it :) I'm also thankful for the simple things. Remember last years Thanksgiving, when my car was broke, my mom's car was broke, my dad didn't have a job, I didn't have a job. . . times were really tough. This year all the cars are running (knock on wood) and life is working out. I'm quite thankful that I have a roof over my head, food in my tummy, heat, electricity, etc. I know, it sounds cheesy, but it's true. There are so many people who don't have the luxuries that I have. I am not rich, but I have a great life. Happy Thanksgiving to all!!

BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING!!!

Do you go black Friday shopping? I never have. I've always wanted to. My mom is soooo not a fan of black Friday shopping. She hates crowds. So when you combine crowds with the EARLY morning, just to save some money, no way, count her out. I've tried and tried to talk her into going with me, but no, she won't have it. This year, finally, me and my wonderful friends are going. Most of them have been before. We are not going to get great deals on the electronics, we are simply going to watch. Watch all of the crazy women that take people down just to get that camera, tv, xbox, etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure we will buy movies or something. But we aren't going to get a specific thing. We are soooo excited to watch the madness. You're thinking, "you would really wake up at 4:00am just to get a good laugh?" You bet. Any day. I'm sure we will get a good laugh and get some good deals on Christmas gifts! Have you seen the Target Black Friday commercials? Well, they make me laugh. . . REALLY hard. If you haven't seen them, watch them below. . . seriously, watch them. They are awesome! (Scroll to the bottom of my blog and pause the music before pressing play on the video.)

Amaya Lynn

Amaya Lynn MacDonald was born on November 9th, 2010. Isn't she the cutest? She looks just like Elijah and Ava. She does certain faces that is TOTALLY Ava, but she also resembles Elijah. She definitely has alot more hair than Ava! She might even have more than Elijah! Which is good, instead of little pom poms like cute Ava at age 2, she'll have them at 6 months! I forget how tiny babies are! They are so little. It's amazing! I could hold Amaya all day long! So peaceful and yet competely facinating. I have more pictures on my camera but I haven't uploaded them yet. So here are the ones off of my phone! Jodi sent me the ones of Ava and Amaya. It was very sad to see them go back to New York. Thank heavens for pictures! Ava and Amaya are the two most adorable girls on the universe! I love them!!! I will add more pictures later.

Tagged!

I've been tagged, so here we go. . . . .

4 shows I watch

-Bones

-Castle

-The Bachelor (Ridiculous, I know)

-Best movie ever is Blind Side. . .but if you want a good laugh, watch Baby Mama!

4 places I would like to travel

-Caribbean

-Africa

-The South i.e., Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee

-Jamaica

4 things I did yesterday

-worked

-went to Park City

-went swimming

-Laughed until I cried

4 things I am passionate about

-People, friendships, family relationships, the idea of everyone being friends, becoming united as one.
-Music and Laughter!

-Being creative

-Food . . . not cooking, just eating :) and caffeine of course.

4 phrases I say a lot
-"For (pronounced, *fer*) geeze"
-"Good word"

-"You little peach"

-The occasional, "Oh my hell"

4 things I have learned from the past
-Life is too short, enjoy every moment
-Drama and stress is a total waste of time
-Laugh loud, love lots, live life to the fullest
-Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway

4 things I am looking forward to
-The Holidays

-This weekend (I don't work Saturday or Sunday, yahhooo!)

-Summer
-Finishing school and getting my degree and my RN

4 things I love about winter
-Fireplaces
-Hot chocolate
-Most people are nicer in the winter, the holidays tend to bring the good out in people
-Crazy sledding adventures

4 things on my wish list

-This white jazz guitar. Ahh so beautiful. ( I already have 3 guitars, don't really need another one, but I want it!)

-I would love, love love, LOVE to travel to Africa or somewhere like that, once I am a nurse with a team of other nurses and doctors and provide heath care to those who cannot afford it, kind of like a service project!

-A house filled with vintage things i.e., furniture, decorations, fashion, everything!! (1920's & 1950's stuff is awesome looking).

-A new purse and a new skirt!

Halloween 2010-if the shoe fits!

I love Halloween! We've done a lot in celebration of halloween this year. My friends and I went to a lot of haunted houses (including Nightmare on 13th-rated #1 in America). October is awesome! Usually I know what I'm going to be for halloween in like August. . . and I usually make my own costume but this year life was iNsAnE and all of the sudden it was mid-October and I didn't have a clue what to be! We came up with a lot of great ideas but most of them would have taken awhile to put together. So we decided to just be witches (if the shoe fits, right?!?). We all matched but we were different colors! We made our tutu's and that's about all we made for our costumes, the rest we bought! My cute Grandma did make my halloween sweatshirt. It's pretty sweet, all vintage looking with witches on it. Anyway, we painted our faces all green (it didn't turn out as well as we thought. . . wrong color of green and the paint was cheap and didn't work well). We all wore individual hats that were all decked out, we also wore fake eyelashes which were pretty sweet! Made us look pretty creepy! We went out to dinner and watched a scary movie! We had a lot of fun! We went out to dinner dressed up and some people stopped us and asked for a picture with us! It was kind of funny! Caecee was the purple witch, I was green, Katie was pink, and Holly was orange! We goofed off and had a great Halloween!

Caecee and her purple fake eyelashes.

My tutu and my sweet tights!

My fake eyelashes.

My awesome hat!!

Work!

I love my job! When I'm not at the hospital, I'm usually doing in home health with my Alzheimer's lady. But it's not like I work all the time, I'm usually home at nights unless I'm covering someone's shift at the hospital. I looooovvveee working at the hospital! For those of you who don't know, I'm a Psych Tech at the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center in the Emergency Room! I love Emergency Medicine. I seriously love working in the emergency room. Such a rush. You always have to be on guard. I love it! I work with patients who are ordered by the doctor, or the police to be put on a 1:1 status because they are usually a threat to themselves or to other people (i.e. drug overdoses, suicide attempts, any kind of crisis patient, etc). I really love working with nurses. . . it makes me want to be a nurse even more than I already do! Nurses are awesome, they work their buns off!! I work with such awesome people! They are so friendly and hilarious! I have to admit we laugh a lot! My job is usually one extreme or the other, it's either very boring, or very intense! When it's not intense, there is so many other things going on in the E.R., that I just watch. There's usually always something interesting going on in the E.R.

Life is kind of rough for me lately, I'm pretty sure I have an attitude problem (actually, I'm positive that I have an attitude problem) and I could be having a quarter life crisis ;) So it feels so good just to throw myself into my work. It feels good to go to work and totally immerse yourself, and forget about all of your problems, and focus on your patients problems. It's almost like therapy. It also puts so many things in perspective. Seeing people in the E.R. makes you realize that your problems could always be worse. 12 hour shifts at 6a.m. kind of kill me but it's so worth it!! Also, I basically wear scrubs everyday! It's awesome! So comfy! Not all that flattering but they are comfortable. Except, now when I wear jeans it feels like I'm getting dressed up :p All in all, I'm in love with my job right now. :)

Replaced by the Venezuelien

You know those days where you just aren't on top of your game? At all? I have a lot of those days. Saturday was one of those days. I was frustrated because of a number of things. Then I had a breakdown. You know one of those where you're just driving and all the sudden you start to cry and you can't stop? Yeah, one of those. It was strange. I don't cry. I cry at church but it's just a tear or two. But to actually cry, no I don't do that. I have nothing against it. I just can't. I can think of the saddest thing ever, and I don't cry. I could stub my toe really hard, I don't cry. I only cry when I'm really angry. Yes, angry, not sad. So this whole crying thing was new for me. I cried for like a half hour. I haven't cried that long since I was 8 years old. Seriously. I miss Jodi and all of her kiddos. They are my peeps and I am missing them more than ever. It's finally to the point where it doesn't feel like they're just on a really long vacation anymore, it feels like they really did move. I guess you could say, it's hitting me! On top of that, hormones, stress, etc, etc, etc. Anyway. . . I got over my strange little cry baby fest and had a great Halloween. Then today I get a call from Jodi. She got a helper. A nanny who cleans toilets she says. She's Venezuelien. I have nothing against Venezueliens. It's just like she's replacing me.. .. .. except I didn't clean toilets, so I guess she's better than me? Ouch. No, I know she's not replacing me. It's just the fact of the matter, it kind of feels like she's replacing me. Dang New York and Venezuelien helpers that clean toilets!! ;)

BOO!

Okay, I was watching the Ellen Degeneres show today because I wanted to see SugarLand perform (number 1 album in the country right now-go buy it!) and this was on the show. . . I seriously was crying because I was laughing so hard. This lady is one of Ellen's writers for the show and they sent her through a scary maze at Universal Studios. It's not fake-it's real. I think it's hilarious to watch people get scared. Not too scared. Not when they are really scared for their life, but when you know they'll live and be fine, it's totally funny. I love scaring people! So funny! Watch this video, you'll laugh! Also, I posted a video of Ellen scaring Taylor Swift. Okay, I'm not really a fan of Taylor Swift. She's got insane talent but she just kind of bugs! Caecee and I kind of joke about her music so when we saw this video we about peed our pants. Funny stuff. Again, love watching people get scared! I've been scaring people all month! I put on a mask at walk around my house and peek around corners and my parents freak out, especially my dad! I also scared Katie and Caecee pretty good the other day. They came to my house and I hid in the bushes. Funny stuff. No doubt, I get way scared myself! I freak out when people scare me! Funny though! Have fun with the last few days of October and scare someone! BOO!
If you don't have time to watch the writer being scared at least watch Taylor Swift being scared! It's only a minute long and it's soooooooo funny!
*scroll to the bottom of my blog page and pause the music before pressing "play" on the videos




I love that she says at the end "sorry I swore at you". Haha, at least she apologized!




She falls on the floor. . . priceless.

Fabric Store.

Today I learned that fabric stores freak me out. Everything about them is just kind of strange to me. The people in them, they way they smell, etc. Let me start by giving you the image. . .

I woke up this morning at 7:55am and I had to be at work at 8:10am. Yikes. I don't do well with cold weather and snooze buttons. I hate waking up when it's cold!! I just sat in bed not wanting to get up. Then it was 8:02am. And I'm slow in the morning, real slow and grouchy too. . . So I changed my shirt and changed out of my pink pajama pants and put on a t-shirt and sweat pants. Much better looking right? Not at all. I should have just actually put on jeans and sweater. It would have taken just as much time and I would have looked 10x better. But something about waking up to the freezing cold and still being half asleep made me want to stay in cozy clothes. Then, I tamed the fro (pulled my hair up), brushed my teeth, looked at the clock and it was 8:12am. Crapper. I looked out the window and saw that there was a bunch of snow/ice on my windshield! GRRR! So I grabbed a diet coke (priorities people) then went outside and scraped the ice off of my car and went to work.

Here I am in baggy gray sweat pants (with a hole by the right pocket), a black band t-shirt, slipper/shoes that have fur on them, and a tan furry jacket. I was warm. . . but not attractive looking. I had no make up and I looked like a dofus. I kind of looked like a high school drop out/wanna be rock star. Both of which I am not. The power of appearance. . .

Anyway after work I needed to go to the fabric store to buy fabric to make tutu's for my Halloween costume. This was the only day this entire week that I had time to go to the store and make the tutu's. Now-I'm not a girl who really cares what people think and heaven knows that I don't have the need to look perfect all the time. But. . . I didn't want to go in the fabric store looking like I did. Trust me, it was bad. But I thought to myself "it's 11:00 in the morning on a Tuesday, in a fabric store. . . I'll probably be the only one in there and if there are other people in there, they will all be old enough to be my grandma so who cares what I look like".

I was wrong. There were a TON of people. And they weren't all old/cute/sweet grandma's either. I should have known, it's the week of Halloween at a fabric store! Duh!

I found my fabric that I needed while everyone stared at me because lets me honest, I didn't really look like the "fabric store" type at the moment. I had no idea what I was doing because lets me honest, I've probably only been a fabric store a handful of times in my life and each time I was with someone who knew what they were doing! I got in line at the cutting counter and this one lady in particular just glared at me the entire time. I smiled, she glared. She was probably in her late 30's, she kept talking to herself looking at a list saying "got that, got that, and that, good!" and she had a lot of make up on, her hair was all done up and curled, and she looked like she knew exactly what she was doing. The fabric store was definitely her turf. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with having make up on, your hair curled, or to look like you know what you are doing. . . I was just feeling a bit vulnerable in my baggy sweat pants with the hole in them and no make up on.

It was my turn to have my fabric cut. I told the cute, sweet lady cutting fabric (that did look like she could be my grandma) "ummm two yards of each?" And everyone could tell that I had no idea what I was doing. So she started to cut away and the lady behind me (the one with the curled hair, make up, knew what she was doing) started talking to me (which only drew more attention to me and my grubby sweat pants and make up free face!) and this was our conversation. . .

Lady: "What are you making with all of that fabric?"

Me: Tutu's.

Lady: That's a lot of tutu's.

Me: Ha, yeah. (It would be a lot of tutu's if I were making them for children but no, I'm making them for grown adults and we have big waists).

Lady: For Halloween costumes, or for dance?

Me: Halloween costumes.

Lady: What are they gonna be?

Me: Witches. . . witches with tutu's.

Lady: (With a very disgusted look on her face). Oh.. .. .. interesting?

Me: Yeah....

I know that, that conversation sounds polite and such, but it wasn't. That lady did not like me and it was obvious. I'm sure she thought I was making tutu's for children..... but no I am making them for 3 grown women. Maybe I am reading too much into that lady with the curled hair. But I'm positive that I will never go into a fabric store with grubby sweat pants and no make up on, ever again!!

October Fun!

I love October! I love crunchy leaves. I love the colors. I love HALLOWEEN. I love decorations. I love this fall inparticular because the warm weather lasted longer than usual.

I have done quite a few things in celebration of Halloween and October. My friends and I went to this super lame "haunted" river boat ride, we went to Hee Haw Farms and did the haunted hayride and the haunted barnyard walk-thru. I love Hee Haw Farms. I am a bit biased because I used to work there back in the day, but I love it there. We had a great time! We survived the walk thru when I really didn't think we would. We also got scared by the leaf man and then watched him scare people as they walked by. Pretty hilarious. Watching people freak out is quite entertaining!

We also went to Frightmares at Lagoon in celebration of Caecee's 20th birthday! We had such a blast! I had never been to Frightmares before and wasn't expecting much, but it was so great! The whole park is totally decked out in Halloween decorations, they had tons scary people with really good make up and costumes(Frankenstein, chain saw guys, etc, etc, etc.) who would walk around the park scaring you, they had like 6 different haunted house walk thru things, it was so much fun! We went on all of the rollercoasters then we did the haunted houses. I only peed a little on the rocket, dropping from 200 ft. in the air at 4.5G's calls for a little bit of pee! And of course we went on Wicked. The roller coaster that goes straight up and straight down, I'm starting to really love that ride. Such an adreniline rush! The haunted houses were pretty scary. . . theworkers have really great costumes and make up. It was pretty creepy! We did a lot of screaming and laughing!!!
I also went to Witches' Night out with my mom. It was crazy. TONS of people. But fun and very interesting! I love October! I'm very excited for Halloween this week!! What are you dressing up as?

Us getting ready to get of the car at Lagoon for Frightmares!

Before Hee Haws!

We like to think that we are funny.

I don't even know what's up with the glasses, again we think we're funny!

Nice.

We had pixy sticks that turned our tongues blue. Katie's tongue is definitely the longest. It's kinda crazy.

Witches' Night Out!

My mom and I at witches' night out. Definitely not the most glamorous picture.

Butterflies in my Tummy!

After a long, nice, needed weekend, my week gets crazy. I finish school (lots of final tests with the state to get certified as an official nurse assistant) and I start a new job! Tomorrow is a big day. I have orientation for my new job! So I don't actually start my new job tomorrow, because I will be training for the next couple of days but still, it gives me butterflies in my stomach! All day orientation tomorrow, 7:45am-4:30pm then I must go right to school from 5:00pm-9:00pm. But school is almost over, yay! It will be a long day tomorrow and I'm quite nervous. New jobs are nerve racking. But I am glad to just get the first couple training/orientations out of the way so I can actually start working at the hospital! For those of you who don't know, I got a new job at the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center in the Emergency Room. I will be working as a Psych Tech a.k.a, I work with patients who are suicide risks, drug overdoses, anyone who is a threat to themselves or anyone else. Did I mention it's in the E.R.? I'm soooo excited!!! A goal I have had for a very long time now is to work at Utah Valley Hospital in Provo and work for Intermountain Healthcare and I've finally reached that goal. Of course, my goal is to be a nurse there, and it will come, in time. I'm just a tech right now, but at least I got my foot in the door! I have to brag, just a little!!! But I definitely have butterflies for orientation tomorrow. New things can be scary! But hopefully, all will go well tomorrow.

New Album!

Sugarland's new album, The Incredible Machine comes out on Tuesday. I'm excited for some new music! I love the idea of going and buying a new cd. I'm not a huge itunes fan. It's great for individual songs but I still love going to the music store and buying a hard copy of an album. I love music! If this video doesn't get you excited for the new cd, I don't know what will!
Make sure you scroll to the bottom of the blog and pause my music before pressing play on the video.

Recharge.

I feel like I always complain in every post on my blog, but oh well. Hence, it's my blog and it's me-raw and unpolished. I'm thinking about changing it's name to "Amber's grumbles". Just kidding. I'm so run down. School has been crazy lately because the course ends next Wednesday. I start my new job Monday. I just feel so out of touch with my life. Kind of lonely. . . Half of it has to do with lack of sleep. I'm sure if I slept better, I would feel better. I also need to do service. Service ALWAYS makes me feel better, and I don't remember the last time I served someone. I miss Ava. It's times like this in life, when I would be stressed to the max, Ava would come up to me, get right in my face, and ask "Amber, you sad?" Now, how can you be sad or stressed after that? She always made me feel better. It's weird how a 2 year old can make your entire day. I miss her, but it's okay. Everything is going to be better because it is Fall Break this week. Thank the good heavens. I don't work Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday nor do I have school. So tomorrow (Wednesday) is my Friday and I couldn't be more elated. I plan to have a good time. I'm going to get my "Halloween" on and go do scary stuff with friends. I also plan to sleep and just get myself back! I want to get more into music. I used to play the piano and the guitar every day and now, it's rare if I make the time. I need to start doing that again, it's such a good outlet. We all need outlets. I just need to get recharged and I will be good to go for the upcoming weeks!! Thank goodness for weekends and fall break so that people like me can recharge and get their bearings back! Oh, and I plan to eat a caramel apple-come on, caramel apples are like the divinity of fall treats. That is bound to make me feel much better. I will be good as new after a caramel apple and a good weekend of recharging and fun!! I hope everyone has a good weekend, eat a caramel apple, trust me- it really will make your weekend that much better. Happy Fall Break everyone!!

Oh hum.

I am about to admit something to all of you that I had a hard time admitting to my very best of friends. . . so don't judge. Amidst this past week, I have been exhausted for days now, it's been a crazy couple of weeks for me. Last night I had my first clinical for school. It was fine. I came home and threw up (too much info? you should know better by now, reading my blog should come with a warning: view discretion is advised). Don't know why I threw up. I don't have the flu. I think it's exhaustion. I tend to vomit when I get very stressed or just really tired. This morning I woke up with a migraine. I was up too early with not enough sleep because I had to work. I am about to admit something to all of you that I had a hard time admitting to my very best of friends. . . so don't judge. Amidst this past week, I have been exhausted for days now, it's been a crazy couple of weeks for me. Last night I had my first clinical for school. It was fine. I came home and threw up (too much info? you should know better by now, reading my blog should come with a warning: view discretion is advised). Don't know why I threw up. I don't have the flu. I think it's exhaustion. I tend to vomit when I get very stressed or just really tired. This morning I woke up with a migraine. I was up too early with not enough sleep because I had to work. This is what I am so ashamed to admit, so don't judge---On my way to work I hit a parked trailer. Yep. Parked. No, I wasn't texting, it was just plain stupidity. I don't even know how it happened. No damage at all done to the trailer, not eve a scratch. My car. . . big long dent. I side swiped the trailer hitch and the hitch is what did the damage. I didn't even cuss when it happend, I just said in my head "oh hum" life happens I guess.
In my defense, it is a very narrow road and the hitch is hard to see. Still, SO DUMB. I have NEVER hit anything with my car before, never gotten a ticket, etc, etc. This is the first incident for me. At least it was a small accident, only damage done to me, because it could have been worse. It really was no big deal. Except that it will cost my whole pay check to fix my dent. I am blaming it on lack of sleep and a headache, no doubt. I make fun of people that hit parked things, and here I am, one of them. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed. How dumb of me. I've decided I shouldn't be allowed to drive when I'm exhausted! Watch out for me on the road, JUST KIDDING! I am a good driver, I promise. Anyway, I just wanted to share my stupidity with everyone and be a cry baby about it. All is well. I love October and my house is looking pretty awesome with all it's Halloween decor and I still have more things to put outSchool ends soon and I start my job at the hospital soon. Life is good. . . despite the dent in my car ;)

Good to see my peeps.

Last week Jodi and the kiddos visited. It was so great. So so so great. On Thursday, I knew they were here and couldn't wait to see them, but Jodi's cell phone was dead and it was actually very hard to get ahold of her. Plus I was working and I had to go to school that night. When I was leaving to school around 4:30pm I passed by the cul-de-sac and saw that Jodi and the kids were up there playing. I drove by and continued onto school. I was half way down battlecreek when I just couldn't help but turn the car around and go back to say hello! I felt SO dumb with the whole cul-de-sac clan out there chatting, and me just pulling up unannounced. But I did it anyway, it had been over a month since I saw my "peeps" as I call them, and I just had to see them! I just stopped by real quick and said hello to the cute kids and went on my way to school. I was late to school and it was very hard not to just skip school and stay but then I would have to make up school time so I made myself go to school! But I had a great night at school because I got to see those kiddos! Don't tell anyone, but I totally cried in the car after leaving them and continuing on my way to school. Saturday, I spent the entire day with Jodi and the kids! It was great to see them and spend so much time with them!

When I pulled up Saturday morning and got out of the car, Ava was outside playing. She turned around, yelled my name, then took of running into my arms. How cute. How could you not cry after something like that? Ava is my soul sista. I love her. Elijah has gotten so big and talks a lot more. Marshall has gained a lot of weight (which is good for that skinny little guy) and is still the same cute heartbreaker. Ava was as funny as ever. We were at the mall and she wouldn't let anyone else push her in her stroller but me. Love her. I had so much fun spending time with my peeps! It was good to see them all. Saturday night it was girls night without the kiddos. We had a lot of laughs, as usual and it felt like Jodi never left. I miss Jodi, we often text each other on our bad days and a phrase that is said constantly back and forth is "if I was there, I would bring you a dr. pepper". Haha, we are total caffeine junkies. She's a great friend and I miss her. Now they are back in NY moving into their new house. I needed their visit, it was the pick me up that I needed. It helped me feel so much better. I was so sad to see them go but I will look forward to November when I see them again! We had so much fun!!

What Just Happened?

HOLY COW. The past few weeks have been CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously. Wow.

• I started school, and I will be done with school in about 3 weeks and be certified in the state of Utah as a Nurse Assistant.
• Amanda got married.
• Jodi and the kiddos came to visit.
• I got another job.

After Amanda's wedding and my first week of school I thought life would slow down and I would be able to catch my breath. Then I had a very intense-long-process interview the next week, while working and going to school. Then Jodi and the kiddos came to visit (HAPPY TIMES). So after this past weekend I thought life would settle down and I would be able to catch my breath. Nope. I got a call today that I got the job I interviewed for. I will soon be working at the Utah Valley Regional Hospital (Provo) as a Psych Tech in the Emergency Room.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining one bit. I'm stoked. It's just all happening so fast. I can't even catch up with my thoughts. I start work the same week as I finish school. That's intense. I start a intense job and I take a state skills and written test all in the same week. Same day actually. Heaven help me. If I don't have a nervous breakdown in the next few weeks I will be surprised! I really am happy though. I asked for it. When Jodi moved and I decided I wasn't going to be returning to UVU this fall, I said, and I quote, "I just want to get really busy and work my butt off so time will pass by fast." Well, be careful what you wish for.

Being busy is good right now though. I'm having a weird time in my life. I miss Jodi and her cute little kids (I call them my homies) more than anything lately, I'm losing touch with some friends but gaining new ones, etc, etc. There is just a lot of change going on. That's life right? The only thing you can expect in life is the unexpected, right? Right. I am happy. I like to be busy. I just wish I could sort out my thoughts. I feel like I just go and go from one thing to another and I don't have quite enough time to wrap my brain around ANYTHING!! But I will NOT use the excuse "I'm too busy". I despise that excuse. I really hate it. I believe I am never too busy for the important things. Such as-my mom's birthday. In the midst of my crazy day today (getting immunization records, scheduling drug tests and back ground checks, work, school, etc.) I still went out to lunch with my mom for her birthday. And I used my mad-streamer-decorating-skills and decorated the kitchen. Happy Birthday Mom!!

I'm a very "according to the plan" kind of girl. I like plans. I like thinking things over. My life is so not going according to plan lately and I sure haven't had time to think things over. I think this is a life lesson. . . someone up there is trying to teach me patience, how to be a little spontaneous, and how to stay sane through very stressful times. I'm learning ;)

Awesome part of this all is that October is just around the corner, WOOT, HOLLA! Halloween time! I love Halloween! I've already started decorating, have you? I'm determined to make my house look particularly awesome this Halloween. Also, I start training for my new job on October 18th (I will still be keeping my current job). Sugarland's new record comes out October 19th. Yeah, I'm stoked. I finish school October 20th. I hope you all are ready for fall! As you can tell, I'm not quite ready. I just need one day to catch my breath and take in all of what is happening! One day to de-stress and sit down and drink a NON diet dr pepper and sort out my thoughts. That sounds like bliss right now. I hope all of you readers are loving and embracing fall and all that comes with it! I sure am trying! :)

Amanda's Wedding!

Amanda's wedding was on Friday, September 18th! We have been preparing for this wedding all summer long! It came so fast. It was a crazy busy day filled with fun!! I had the fabulous opportunity to be a bridesmaid along with Angel, Kim, and Amanda's younger sister, Rachel. Amanda's colors were black, white, and aqua blue. Her flowers were white and orange. Our bridesmaid dresses were beautiful! Amanda's wedding dress was so stunning!

It was such a blast! I thought that we would hardly see Amanda during the day but no, we saw her a lot! Any time she wasn't with the groom, she was with us bridesmaids!! We made a lot of jokes and had a lot of laughs. She got married in the Salt Lake City temple. Then we had a very nice luncheon at the Joseph Smith memorial building. In which the bridesmaids and groomsmen talked, the parents talked, we ate yummy food, and they showed the wedding video that I put together for Amanda and Taylor. There were a lot of people at this wedding. It was a BIG wedding. Taylor has a large family and his dad owns a very popular construction company. Amanda looked beautiful. Absolutely stunning. She did her own hair which turned out perfect. Some of it was up, some was down. It was just perfect. She was so happy. I could tell she was relieved of stress which brought out the goofy yet, elegant Amanda that I know. We had such an awesome day, I was so happy I was able to be a part of it!

The whole day was busy! Us bridesmaids had to run home from Salt Lake and change into our bridesmaids dresses because they prefer you not to wear your bridesmaid dresses at the temple so we hurried and changed and went to set up and take pictures at the reception. The reception was beautiful. It was held at the amphitheater park by the Timp. temple. It was just perfect. The decorations, the weather, the food, etc. everything ran smoothly. The reception was just so beautiful. It really was absolutely perfect in my mind. Very fancy, yet very fun and casual. Us bridesmaids were very busy at the reception between taking chap stick and water to the bride and groom and moving gifts, making sure the food was running well, etc. But it was so fun. After the line, they did cutting the cake, throwing the bouquet, guarder belt, serious dancing, then the fun dancing. It was such a great time. What a fun day!! Lots of laughter. It almost seems surreal that the wedding day is over. It went so great. I can't believe that we are old enough to be getting married. Surreal! Needless to say, I'm still recovering from the wedding haha! Every muscle in my body hurts and I am so tired. It was a crazy busy week but it turned out perfect!!!

Amanda and Taylor are now honeymooning in Cancun, Mexico. I know that I will always be friends with Amanda. She's not one of those girls that gets busy or life changes and your friendship disappears. Nope. Heck, I've known and been friends with Amanda since the sixth grade. I am so excited that I get to see her and Taylor's life begin together. Here's to Taylor and Amanda Clyde, may the happiness continue!

I cannot wait to get the professional photographers pictures back that we took. They are going to be great. But here are the pictures I took off of my camera!!

Being goofballs!

The beautiful Salt Lake City temple!

After Amanda came out of the temple!

Angel and Amanda goofin' off!

Kim and Amanda!

We really liked our flowers.

My hair in the works. Pretty awesome. The night before the wedding I got my hair done after school. So in this picture my hair is half way done and I'm working the scrubs. Right on.

She got him good with the cake. . . atta girl!

Their beautiful cake!!! That Amanda's mom made. Yep, she is a talented woman. She can do pretty much everything. She never made a wedding cake before. She really did do everything for this wedding! She's totally going to be my wedding planner. Awesome cake! It was delicious too!

Amanda and Taylor coming out of the temple!

Bridesmaids with the bride. . . we have fun!

Amanda and Taylor at the temple!

Big fireworks shot up into the sky when Amanda and Taylor were leaving!

We all held sparklers when the couple left.

Her brothers and sisters decorated the bug. The groomsmen decorated the truck which turned out pretty awesome and they left in the truck.

After pictures at the place of the reception and before the reception actually started, Amanda had to take off her heels and change into crocs because her feet were killing her haha! Lots of standing!

Amanda and all the cute little girls at the temple!