Smile A Little More. . .

My job can be very difficult. Physically. . . a little (I've only had to chase one guy down {it did take me and two security guards to get him in his room} ;) but emotionally. . . a lot. Very emotionally draining. Taking care of my cute little Alzheimer's lady is difficult. It is very hard to see someone lose brain function. (Little medical lesson for you-Alzheimer's is caused by abnormal deposits of protein in the brain which interrupt nerve interaction). Working in the Emergency Room with the Psych patients is also very difficult. We get a lot of drug-caused problems. But still, very sad. Yes, they made the choice to do drugs and such but addiction is definitely a disease and most people wish they would have never, ever done drugs in the first place and then they get trapped in the awful addiction. We also see a lot of legit, mental illness. It is extremely sad when you get a 17yr. old patient who came into the E.R. because they had no idea what was happening to them, when in fact, they are experiencing their first Schizophrenic episode. Depression-huge issue. I think mental illness is an epidemic. You would be shocked at how many psych patients we see in the E.R. and how little help there is out there for them. Our Behavioral Med Department rarely has a bed open. Pediatric psych patients are not allowed to be admitted to our Behavioral Med Dept. so we have to run a search all the way from Las Vegas hospitals clear up to Ogden to find an open bed for pediatric psych patients and usually all the hospitals are full! So then we have to hold the patient in the E.R. until a bed opens up somewhere. That is if they are determined that they have to be admitted. My biggest problem with my job is that I wish I could save the world. I really, really, really, REALLY wish that I could save everyone, and help everyone, and heal everyone! But I can't. So, the only way to cope with my job is to laugh. I have to laugh at the situations that I deal with. I have to do ALL that I can to help the patient, and then let it go. If I don't laugh, I will cry. If I don't do ALL that I can, I could never forgive myself. So, I throw my entire self into my job. I'm still not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Thus, my job is emotionally draining.

Anywho, my point of all of this is not to depress you all. It is to make myself realize that my life is SO GOOD! I am so grateful that I am healthy. I consider myself to have "issues" and I question my insanity daily. But I know that I am healthier than others. So I get mad and sad and I get anxiety and I don't handle situations as well as I wish. . . so what?  Instead of me focusing on my faults, it helps to look at all the positive in my life. I'll be honest, I struggle with certain things. I have problems with balance in my life (I like to use the word balance, instead of bipolar ;) But I'm here, and I'm functioning in my daily life. So what if I don't handle each day as I wish I did. . . I'm trying my best each day and I have so much to be grateful for. We ALL have our problems but I truly believe, that it can always be worse. I am so grateful that I don't have a severe mental or physical disease. I thought about if I got diagnosed with a severe disease or if I died tomorrow, what would I regret? I would regret not smiling more. I need to let go of the little things in my life that tick me off. I completely understand that we all need to cope. It is NOT normal to not be sad or mad every once in a while. It is actually healthy to get mad and sad. But my hope and prayer is to make these "sad" and "mad" moments have a shorter duration. I hope they last a small moment. I hope to move on-faster. I hope to smile more. And oh how eternally grateful I am for the gospel and the knowledge that I have. There is hope. There is ALWAYS hope. There is hope for me, and there is hope for Alzheimer patients, drug addicts, psych patients, people suffering from depression, etc. There is hope. And there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. There will be rest!! There will be peace!!! But for now, let's be grateful for what we have, and smile a little more!!