Smile A Little More. . .

My job can be very difficult. Physically. . . a little (I've only had to chase one guy down {it did take me and two security guards to get him in his room} ;) but emotionally. . . a lot. Very emotionally draining. Taking care of my cute little Alzheimer's lady is difficult. It is very hard to see someone lose brain function. (Little medical lesson for you-Alzheimer's is caused by abnormal deposits of protein in the brain which interrupt nerve interaction). Working in the Emergency Room with the Psych patients is also very difficult. We get a lot of drug-caused problems. But still, very sad. Yes, they made the choice to do drugs and such but addiction is definitely a disease and most people wish they would have never, ever done drugs in the first place and then they get trapped in the awful addiction. We also see a lot of legit, mental illness. It is extremely sad when you get a 17yr. old patient who came into the E.R. because they had no idea what was happening to them, when in fact, they are experiencing their first Schizophrenic episode. Depression-huge issue. I think mental illness is an epidemic. You would be shocked at how many psych patients we see in the E.R. and how little help there is out there for them. Our Behavioral Med Department rarely has a bed open. Pediatric psych patients are not allowed to be admitted to our Behavioral Med Dept. so we have to run a search all the way from Las Vegas hospitals clear up to Ogden to find an open bed for pediatric psych patients and usually all the hospitals are full! So then we have to hold the patient in the E.R. until a bed opens up somewhere. That is if they are determined that they have to be admitted. My biggest problem with my job is that I wish I could save the world. I really, really, really, REALLY wish that I could save everyone, and help everyone, and heal everyone! But I can't. So, the only way to cope with my job is to laugh. I have to laugh at the situations that I deal with. I have to do ALL that I can to help the patient, and then let it go. If I don't laugh, I will cry. If I don't do ALL that I can, I could never forgive myself. So, I throw my entire self into my job. I'm still not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Thus, my job is emotionally draining.

Anywho, my point of all of this is not to depress you all. It is to make myself realize that my life is SO GOOD! I am so grateful that I am healthy. I consider myself to have "issues" and I question my insanity daily. But I know that I am healthier than others. So I get mad and sad and I get anxiety and I don't handle situations as well as I wish. . . so what?  Instead of me focusing on my faults, it helps to look at all the positive in my life. I'll be honest, I struggle with certain things. I have problems with balance in my life (I like to use the word balance, instead of bipolar ;) But I'm here, and I'm functioning in my daily life. So what if I don't handle each day as I wish I did. . . I'm trying my best each day and I have so much to be grateful for. We ALL have our problems but I truly believe, that it can always be worse. I am so grateful that I don't have a severe mental or physical disease. I thought about if I got diagnosed with a severe disease or if I died tomorrow, what would I regret? I would regret not smiling more. I need to let go of the little things in my life that tick me off. I completely understand that we all need to cope. It is NOT normal to not be sad or mad every once in a while. It is actually healthy to get mad and sad. But my hope and prayer is to make these "sad" and "mad" moments have a shorter duration. I hope they last a small moment. I hope to move on-faster. I hope to smile more. And oh how eternally grateful I am for the gospel and the knowledge that I have. There is hope. There is ALWAYS hope. There is hope for me, and there is hope for Alzheimer patients, drug addicts, psych patients, people suffering from depression, etc. There is hope. And there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. There will be rest!! There will be peace!!! But for now, let's be grateful for what we have, and smile a little more!!

New Hair!

I chopped off all my hair and dyed the whole thing darker. No joke. I've NEVER, in my entire life, had my hair this short, nor have I ever dyed my entire head. Usually just throw in some high lights and low lights. But I needed a change! I've gradually been cutting more and more off, so this time I just chopped it. It's pretty short. And it will be even shorter when it curls because my hair curls up about 2 inches. I love it so far. I do miss my natural red color. Even though it's still red, it's a red-brown now. But it will fade fast. My hair takes color so so so strangely! People tend to hate it when girls chop off their hair, but I really don't care. I love it and it's going to be so much easier to do! Seriously, I am not exaggerating when I say my hair is a beast. It really is. It shouldn't be natural. It is so dang curly and unruly! It's actually not even that curly. . .without any product in it, it's just a big frizz-ball-fro. Not kidding. Few people have seen my hair naturally, without any product in it. My mom, dad, brother, my hair lady (Amber), and Caecee just saw it the first time this year without any product in it. That's sayin' something. Considering she is my best friend and we've known each other for quite some time! But with product in it, then it curls up like crazy!!!

The new hair cut should help it so it's easier to get the curls to cooperate and hopefully if I want to straighten it, it should take less time! Before it took me about an hour and a half to straighten it. . . that's why I never did it but let's hope this helps!  Let's hope it's not a fro either! This is soooo not like me. I am totally not the type that just chops her hair off and not even tell anyone until it was done! What can I say. . . I'm getting more and more spontaneous in my old age ha! Good thing I have an awesome hair stylist! Shout out to Amber (not me, different Amber), my hair therapist. She is amazing. I just told her I needed a change but had no idea what I wanted. So she presented her idea to me and I said "do it" and away she went. She was even shocked. She's been doing my hair for 6 years now and I've never done anything this drastic! And she's young and spunky so I trust her style! It's nice to have someone who will make you try new things yet, not do something that you will hate. She knows me pretty well! Because, seriously, hair is important. Especially when you have my type of hair, you need someone who knows what they're doin'! Plus, she's a red head herself, that always helps ;)   Thanks so much Amber, don't know what I'd do without your superb hair skills!

Anyway, I'm not one for self-portrait-glamour-shots, but you have to see it! I took these pictures with my phone, so they aren't very good quality but it works!

Thanksgiving and all that comes with it!

I can't believe that it's almost Thanksgiving! Wow time really does fly! I love Thanksgiving. I love eating, and get this, I even like cooking when I'm helping someone or they are helping me. Such as the yearly gathering of all of the women cousins (there are only 3 of us, and I'm the youngest girl, we are heavily populated with boys in my family) in which we gather at my grandma's house the day before Thanksgiving and bake all of the pies for Thanksgiving day. Good times. I love the coziness of the holidays. I have to work this Thanksgiving :( but the good news is that I get off at 6pm, so I'm not totally missing out on the feast! I have so much to be thankful for. . . I could list all of the things but it would take up my entire blog. I think most of all this year, I am thankful for people in my life. I've said this before, and I'll say it again, I have the coolest people in the universe, in my life. I really do. If you're reading this, I'm probably thankful for you and you probably don't even know it :) I'm also thankful for the simple things. Remember last years Thanksgiving, when my car was broke, my mom's car was broke, my dad didn't have a job, I didn't have a job. . . times were really tough. This year all the cars are running (knock on wood) and life is working out. I'm quite thankful that I have a roof over my head, food in my tummy, heat, electricity, etc. I know, it sounds cheesy, but it's true. There are so many people who don't have the luxuries that I have. I am not rich, but I have a great life. Happy Thanksgiving to all!!

BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING!!!

Do you go black Friday shopping? I never have. I've always wanted to. My mom is soooo not a fan of black Friday shopping. She hates crowds. So when you combine crowds with the EARLY morning, just to save some money, no way, count her out. I've tried and tried to talk her into going with me, but no, she won't have it. This year, finally, me and my wonderful friends are going. Most of them have been before. We are not going to get great deals on the electronics, we are simply going to watch. Watch all of the crazy women that take people down just to get that camera, tv, xbox, etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure we will buy movies or something. But we aren't going to get a specific thing. We are soooo excited to watch the madness. You're thinking, "you would really wake up at 4:00am just to get a good laugh?" You bet. Any day. I'm sure we will get a good laugh and get some good deals on Christmas gifts! Have you seen the Target Black Friday commercials? Well, they make me laugh. . . REALLY hard. If you haven't seen them, watch them below. . . seriously, watch them. They are awesome! (Scroll to the bottom of my blog and pause the music before pressing play on the video.)

Amaya Lynn

Amaya Lynn MacDonald was born on November 9th, 2010. Isn't she the cutest? She looks just like Elijah and Ava. She does certain faces that is TOTALLY Ava, but she also resembles Elijah. She definitely has alot more hair than Ava! She might even have more than Elijah! Which is good, instead of little pom poms like cute Ava at age 2, she'll have them at 6 months! I forget how tiny babies are! They are so little. It's amazing! I could hold Amaya all day long! So peaceful and yet competely facinating. I have more pictures on my camera but I haven't uploaded them yet. So here are the ones off of my phone! Jodi sent me the ones of Ava and Amaya. It was very sad to see them go back to New York. Thank heavens for pictures! Ava and Amaya are the two most adorable girls on the universe! I love them!!! I will add more pictures later.

Tagged!

I've been tagged, so here we go. . . . .

4 shows I watch

-Bones

-Castle

-The Bachelor (Ridiculous, I know)

-Best movie ever is Blind Side. . .but if you want a good laugh, watch Baby Mama!

4 places I would like to travel

-Caribbean

-Africa

-The South i.e., Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee

-Jamaica

4 things I did yesterday

-worked

-went to Park City

-went swimming

-Laughed until I cried

4 things I am passionate about

-People, friendships, family relationships, the idea of everyone being friends, becoming united as one.
-Music and Laughter!

-Being creative

-Food . . . not cooking, just eating :) and caffeine of course.

4 phrases I say a lot
-"For (pronounced, *fer*) geeze"
-"Good word"

-"You little peach"

-The occasional, "Oh my hell"

4 things I have learned from the past
-Life is too short, enjoy every moment
-Drama and stress is a total waste of time
-Laugh loud, love lots, live life to the fullest
-Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway

4 things I am looking forward to
-The Holidays

-This weekend (I don't work Saturday or Sunday, yahhooo!)

-Summer
-Finishing school and getting my degree and my RN

4 things I love about winter
-Fireplaces
-Hot chocolate
-Most people are nicer in the winter, the holidays tend to bring the good out in people
-Crazy sledding adventures

4 things on my wish list

-This white jazz guitar. Ahh so beautiful. ( I already have 3 guitars, don't really need another one, but I want it!)

-I would love, love love, LOVE to travel to Africa or somewhere like that, once I am a nurse with a team of other nurses and doctors and provide heath care to those who cannot afford it, kind of like a service project!

-A house filled with vintage things i.e., furniture, decorations, fashion, everything!! (1920's & 1950's stuff is awesome looking).

-A new purse and a new skirt!

Halloween 2010-if the shoe fits!

I love Halloween! We've done a lot in celebration of halloween this year. My friends and I went to a lot of haunted houses (including Nightmare on 13th-rated #1 in America). October is awesome! Usually I know what I'm going to be for halloween in like August. . . and I usually make my own costume but this year life was iNsAnE and all of the sudden it was mid-October and I didn't have a clue what to be! We came up with a lot of great ideas but most of them would have taken awhile to put together. So we decided to just be witches (if the shoe fits, right?!?). We all matched but we were different colors! We made our tutu's and that's about all we made for our costumes, the rest we bought! My cute Grandma did make my halloween sweatshirt. It's pretty sweet, all vintage looking with witches on it. Anyway, we painted our faces all green (it didn't turn out as well as we thought. . . wrong color of green and the paint was cheap and didn't work well). We all wore individual hats that were all decked out, we also wore fake eyelashes which were pretty sweet! Made us look pretty creepy! We went out to dinner and watched a scary movie! We had a lot of fun! We went out to dinner dressed up and some people stopped us and asked for a picture with us! It was kind of funny! Caecee was the purple witch, I was green, Katie was pink, and Holly was orange! We goofed off and had a great Halloween!

Caecee and her purple fake eyelashes.

My tutu and my sweet tights!

My fake eyelashes.

My awesome hat!!

Work!

I love my job! When I'm not at the hospital, I'm usually doing in home health with my Alzheimer's lady. But it's not like I work all the time, I'm usually home at nights unless I'm covering someone's shift at the hospital. I looooovvveee working at the hospital! For those of you who don't know, I'm a Psych Tech at the Utah Valley Regional Medical Center in the Emergency Room! I love Emergency Medicine. I seriously love working in the emergency room. Such a rush. You always have to be on guard. I love it! I work with patients who are ordered by the doctor, or the police to be put on a 1:1 status because they are usually a threat to themselves or to other people (i.e. drug overdoses, suicide attempts, any kind of crisis patient, etc). I really love working with nurses. . . it makes me want to be a nurse even more than I already do! Nurses are awesome, they work their buns off!! I work with such awesome people! They are so friendly and hilarious! I have to admit we laugh a lot! My job is usually one extreme or the other, it's either very boring, or very intense! When it's not intense, there is so many other things going on in the E.R., that I just watch. There's usually always something interesting going on in the E.R.

Life is kind of rough for me lately, I'm pretty sure I have an attitude problem (actually, I'm positive that I have an attitude problem) and I could be having a quarter life crisis ;) So it feels so good just to throw myself into my work. It feels good to go to work and totally immerse yourself, and forget about all of your problems, and focus on your patients problems. It's almost like therapy. It also puts so many things in perspective. Seeing people in the E.R. makes you realize that your problems could always be worse. 12 hour shifts at 6a.m. kind of kill me but it's so worth it!! Also, I basically wear scrubs everyday! It's awesome! So comfy! Not all that flattering but they are comfortable. Except, now when I wear jeans it feels like I'm getting dressed up :p All in all, I'm in love with my job right now. :)

Replaced by the Venezuelien

You know those days where you just aren't on top of your game? At all? I have a lot of those days. Saturday was one of those days. I was frustrated because of a number of things. Then I had a breakdown. You know one of those where you're just driving and all the sudden you start to cry and you can't stop? Yeah, one of those. It was strange. I don't cry. I cry at church but it's just a tear or two. But to actually cry, no I don't do that. I have nothing against it. I just can't. I can think of the saddest thing ever, and I don't cry. I could stub my toe really hard, I don't cry. I only cry when I'm really angry. Yes, angry, not sad. So this whole crying thing was new for me. I cried for like a half hour. I haven't cried that long since I was 8 years old. Seriously. I miss Jodi and all of her kiddos. They are my peeps and I am missing them more than ever. It's finally to the point where it doesn't feel like they're just on a really long vacation anymore, it feels like they really did move. I guess you could say, it's hitting me! On top of that, hormones, stress, etc, etc, etc. Anyway. . . I got over my strange little cry baby fest and had a great Halloween. Then today I get a call from Jodi. She got a helper. A nanny who cleans toilets she says. She's Venezuelien. I have nothing against Venezueliens. It's just like she's replacing me.. .. .. except I didn't clean toilets, so I guess she's better than me? Ouch. No, I know she's not replacing me. It's just the fact of the matter, it kind of feels like she's replacing me. Dang New York and Venezuelien helpers that clean toilets!! ;)